the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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