If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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