dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
