how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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