i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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