i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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