3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
