Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
