I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
