You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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