Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
