dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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