haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
