Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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