I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
