I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
