I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
