I've blown a few things in my day
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
