its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
