I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
