let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
