i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
