it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
