yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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