this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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