i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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