is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
