2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
