mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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