I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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