I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
