so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
smell my finger.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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