Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
