i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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