is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
