Soap is not a condiment
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
