So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
