Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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