Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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