I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
