Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
