She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
