I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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