I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
