i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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