sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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