remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
