North Korea, Best Korea!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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