I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
