She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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