2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They took my balls.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
