Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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