Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
