while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
