who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
