Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
