Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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