someone threw a dead crab at me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
