So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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