Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
