If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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