Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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