Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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